What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 12:07
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The “Extremely Unlikely” Finding That Changes How We See Mass Extinction - SciTechDaily
I was 9 years of age.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
What are some tips for mouth taping to redirect breathing through the nose at night?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But, we were locked up after school.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What would happen if Donald Trump forces Ukraine to a truce with Russia?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
NBA Finals Game 2 Spread: The History Behind Big Thunder-Pacers Line - Action Network
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So whats the point in blame.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Snap plans to sell lightweight, consumer AR glasses in 2026 - TechCrunch
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
49ers news: The No. 1 priority on offense for the 49ers in 2025 - Niners Nation
She found it foreign!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I could never make a relationship work though!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What emerging digital marketing tools should marketers watch?
When she asked me how she looked .
He knew the spot.
One cannot live in the past .
Would you date a Muslim guy? Why/why not?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Chinese-Owned Company Halts Work on Factory to Make Batteries in U.S. - WSJ
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Exclusive | Ken Moelis to Step Down as CEO of His Investment Bank - WSJ
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My life is so biszare .
I waited trembling.
A 2.6-Million-Pound Rock Thrown Inland… by a Monster Wave - The Daily Galaxy
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And i lived it daily.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We were not on the streets..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We all went to grammer schools
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I have no regrets .
She wouldn,t have been !
My family never makes their pension either.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I don,t even have a pension.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But it wasn’t much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
What did i know ?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Was to survive, this bastard.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
All the time i was locked up.
She loved him until the end.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Ive learnt so much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was very sick at this time too.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is soul school!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Who then, do I blame.?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was seconnd youngest,
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So, i spoilt her more .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Would this be the day?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I said to her
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im still living with it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I will be 64.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She married twice! .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was in good health!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why did i forgive my father ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was scared of men, in general
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I think the readers, may guess!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It was going to be , some day.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I write beautiful poetry .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Put me off passion for life!!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..